A Bulldog's Guide to Training Humans
The humans thought they were training him.
Meet Oswald, an English Bulldog who has spent six years studying human behavior, negotiating household privileges, and perfecting the art of getting his own way.
Now he's sharing twenty rules for training humans, along with the story of the people and dogs who made his life what it is.
Meet Oswald
Papa wanted a wonder dog. I had other plans.
My name is Oswald. I'm an English Bulldog, and for the past six years I've been responsible for the supervision and ongoing education of two humans I call Mama and Papa.
When I arrived, Papa had plans to train me into what he called a “wonder dog.” I admired his ambition, although it soon became apparent that he had misunderstood the nature of our relationship.
Since then, I've learned a great deal about humans: what motivates them, how easily they develop habits, and how remarkably effective a prolonged stare can be.
I've documented my findings in A Bulldog's Guide to Training Humans. Papa helped with the typing.
A FEW OF OSWALD'S RULES
Rule No. 5:
A Bell Is a Demand, Not a Request
Once a human responds reliably to a signal, the signal belongs to you.
Rule No. 10
Understanding Is Not the Same as Obeying
Humans often confuse comprehension with agreement.
Rule No. 13
Say Less. Look Longer
Humans are uncomfortable with silence. Use that.
A FEW QUESTIONS HUMANS HAVE ASKED
Not exactly. Oswald believes humans are the ones who need training. This is his account of six years spent studying their habits, negotiating household privileges, and teaching them a few lessons along the way.
A humorous, first-person story told by an English Bulldog. Alongside twenty of Oswald's Rules, you'll find stories about family, friendship, everyday adventures, and the sometimes surprising relationship between dogs and their humans.
Read the first two chapters of A Bulldog's Guide to Training Humans free. No purchase required.
Dispatches From Oswald
Occasional news from Oswald's Place, including book updates, photographs, stories, and further observations about human behavior.
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